I Cast: ‘Knight Rider’

The Knight Rider TV movie — now picked up as part of NBC’s 52-week schedule — may have gotten some darn good ratings, but it’s still more than a little flawed. We can’t do much about the wooden dialogue or copious plot holes, but we can suggest a better cast. After all, Knight Rider should get at least as much airplay from NBC as Bionic Woman.

Nathanfillion_drive_s1_240Mike Traceur

If you’re going to get a brooding hero who looks good behind the wheel of a car, why not ring up Nathan Fillion? Okay, Nathan’s a favorite here at Misfits Central, but for good reason. In Drive, Mssr. Fillion played a high-speed good guy with a dark side, perfect preparation for Knight Rider. Plus, Firefly showed us Nathan can portray the sort of hero who swoops in, rights wrongs with either charm or fisticuffs, and rides off into the sunset. That’s perfect for Mike Traceur.

Lizaweil_gilmoregirls_240Sarah Graiman

You gotta love a super-genius who squeals like a schoolgirl when the car she designed does, well, what she designed it to do. Let’s give Sarah a bit more gravitas and cast Liza Weil, Paris on Gilmore Girls. She’s smart, she’s beautiful and she has the steely willpower to run a crimefighting organization with Mike Traceur. Runner up would be Jewel Staite, Fillion’s Firefly co-star and one of the shiniest mechanics on television.

Michaelclarkeduncan_rickybobby_240 KITT

Val Kilmer sounded like he literally phoned in his performance during the pilot movie. Seriously, brother sounded bored. Will Arnett’s original take, from what we could hear, was sly and snarky. A new KITT, though, cries for a totally new direction, and we suggest Michael Clarke Duncan. His bass purr, the neo-James Earl Jones, works great for the Mustang muscle car.

Elizadushku_trucalling_240_003 Carrie Rivai

Exotic lipstick lesbian FBI agent. It’s like the character was written for us! But should Carrie merely be the government’s liaison with FLAG, or an ass-kicking supercop? With due apologies to Sydney Tamaiia Poitier, Poitier’s more bureaucrat than action heroine. Let’s face it, Dollhouse will be lucky to last an entire season, so Eliza Dushku would be perfect in this role.

Kevinweisman_alias_240_003 Dylan Fass

Uh, why? Why was this character even written? Oh, sure, he turns up at the end as Mike’s mechanic, but that role could be filled by, you know, the scientist and his daughter who created KITT. Can we ditch Dylan? No? Then get television’s best spy-gadget maker, Kevin Weisman. I’d even excuse NBC from being cutesy and porting over the entire Marshall Flinkman character, name and all.

Thehoff_240 Michael Knight

The Hoff. Did you think we were going to mess with perfection? Seriously, David Hasslehoff’s cameo performance was the best acting of the movie. Interpret that as you will.

About Tamara Brooks

A few things I wondered about as a kid: Why didn't Wonder Woman punch more bad guys in the face on the tv show?; How does Superman flying around the Earth turn back time?; Could someone really catch bullets with their teeth?; Why didn't the liquid bits of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man cause 3rd degree burns on whoever it landed on? Because melted marshmallow is up there with molten hot lava.